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But problems arise, she says, when users “lose their ability to control” that behavior.

Young says addictive cybersex behavior appears more common among males.

“Just install the software,” says Sinulate’s web site, “plug in your Interactive Fleshlight, and pick a partner!

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“You could walk a couple through a facilitated session,” she says, “while they are in the privacy of their own bedroom.” Cory Silverberg, a sexual health educator and founding member of Come As You Are, an education-based sex store in Toronto, says, “What’s good about cybersex is that it allows people to conceive of new possibilities,” whether that means a disabled person gaining greater access to the sexual sphere or someone “fulfilling their fetish fantasies beyond anything that we could have imagined.” The keys to healthy virtual sex, he says, include consent of all partners, a “sense of good will” (not going out and “trolling and stalking online”), and a respect for boundaries — “making sure that you’re not exposing more real information about yourself than you’re really comfortable with.” Like any technology, though, virtual sex comes with its risks.

Kimberly Young, Ph D, who is the founder and director of the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery in Bradford, Pennsylvania, agrees that virtual worlds can allow individuals to explore new types of sexual behavior.

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“Having sex with the same person can become routine, boring,” she says. But if you’re married and keeping it a secret, it’s a problem.” Regina Lynn defines the issue this way: “Does your partner know, and does your partner consent?

Lying is cheating.” “Everyone’s always interested in where the line [with cheating] lies,” says Cory Silverberg.

“An interest in what constitutes infidelity isn’t new. In virtual life, everyone wants to push those boundaries a little bit.” Which brings me back to my wife.

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