Dating an abstinent girl

It’s not just counter-cultural –- it’s against my very nature. I have to hold out for something called “marriage,” because I do not, unlike others, believe it to be a man-made institution, but an institution put in place by God Himself. For whatever reason, games like Halo and Bejeweled become less satisfying and Cart Life or Kentucky Route Zero seem transcendent.I find myself indulging my own desires less and allowing things to challenge me, to challenge my patience, and sometimes my spirit swells. They’re not what I’d call “fun,” but they are what I would call “better than fun.”Those very same youth pastors – the ones who look their youth groups straight in the eye and insist that Christians can have just as much fun as the world – are the same people who then launch into an explanation of some hilarious game they’re going to make all of the youth group play together.

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The Christian ideal, of course, is that waiting until marriage to have sex is supposed to be right, but not fun.

It’s supposed to be fulfilling, not exciting or even engaging. Fun is sometimes a monster that dominates my spirit, and convinces me to follow my impulses until I am satisfied or stuck.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the best thing we in the abstinence-only crowd can do is to ignore the shadow of fun and play entirely and focus more on the foreshadowing of something deeper: the gift of married love, the intimacy it entails and the eternal relationship between Christ and His church that it represents.

When I typed out these words as an idea for an article on abstinence, I realized this was a difficult topic to get people talking about.

Maybe they’re playing “fluffy bunny” and seeing how many marshmallows they can shove in their mouths.

Maybe they’re trying to pass oranges to one another’s necks without using their hands.

It finds me starving for entertainment or play, and insists that I can do something about it.

So I go days without writing or cleaning the house.

They met, fell in love, dated and waited until they were married to have sex.

There seemed to be a special connection between them that made me wonder, It started me on a quest to discover what I call "practical abstinence." All of the "true love waits" messages mean nothing if they can't be put into practice.

I awake from a stupor of dumb TV or jewel-matching and I’m not mad at myself, but I’m like, “Why did I do that? For Christians, sex is more of a bold line to cross than it is a gradient. Its very existence acknowledges what we’re missing out on: a lifetime of carefree and unattached sex, of feeling good – really good – with someone else.

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