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• View thousands of sexy amateur photos and videos.• Be part of a worldwide community that believes sex is a positive part of life.It’s the first thing the ladies see, and power babes don’t have time to sort through your other pictures, if your profile picture is lame. You’re no longer a person; you’re a (sorry, this is business, darling). When it’s you and a friend, the girls don’t know who is who, and by the time they try and figure it out, the Adderall will have already worn off and they’ll be on to the next. If you’re wearing sunnies, you look like you’re trying to hide something, you sketchy boy creature. I believe in you, I’m here for you and I love you (not sexually, but I have a deep affection for you).

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Say what you do for living — this is very important. Girls can see through any sort of bullshit, so just be yourself. There are plenty of hot nerd babes in the Tindersphere who will be into you. At least that’s what I’ve heard flying around the straight girl rumor mill. This will make it seem like you’re actually interested in what she has to say (which is sadly refreshing), and leave room for her to answer. She identifies as a "mascara lesbian" and lives beyond her means on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

You don’t have to be a BANKER WANKER (get that out of your head). And if you’re not employed, say you’re a writer or something.

I quickly realized exactly why he wasn’t getting the matches he oh-so-deserves. So here’s my official guide to navigating the dark and stormy waters of TINDER.

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