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They can't see my emaciated college-aged, size zero self.All they see are two bodies, one arbitrarily deemed "good" and the other "bad." And they react to preserve the social stigma unquestioningly. But it becomes immeasurably more difficult when the people who know your vulnerabilities reduce the women you choose to date -- and by default, you -- to mere bodies.
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Societal standards of beauty are not only arbitrary but often literally impossible to achieve without Photoshop and make-up and there are assholes out there who feel empowered to mock fat people with impunity.
But being large and in charge doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life of being forever alone; in fact, you may find that you have far more options for finding love, sex and happiness than you’d ever believe possible. There are plenty of notable examples out there if you look around. Seth Rogan is no Abercrombie and Fitch model but he’s also happily married.
Because fat is viewed as inherently unworthy by a society that really needs to check its priorities, my dates and I have grown accustomed to evenings that involve being stared at on the train, in restaurants, and by neighbors. I would still love to exact revenge upon the rabid old man who told my date to move her "fat ass." And because we're dealing with the double whammy of gayness and fat, I could probably start a Tumblr of wide-eyed, open-mouthed onlookers. I've been struggling with body image issues my entire life.
Strangers on the street don't know that I was once the fat kid whose mother had to special-order every uniform.
Now we could dwell on the fact that these various winners are not gym-sculpted Adonnises themselves, but instead I want to focus on the positive and work on people’s lives instead of trying to stroke the hate-boner.
Besides, the best revenge is living well and there’s nothing quite like seeing the underdog succeed despite all of his or her disadvantages. The cognitive dissonance Now, I’m going to be blunt: dating can suck when you’re fat.
When people act like I'm a tragic hero for "putting up with" a fat person, my privilege becomes unignorable. I spent a good part of my life believing that I was less of a person because of my weight and another part getting told how great I looked by the very people who made me miserable for years. Nobody has to want to date anyone else, but a basic sense of respect for others shouldn't be too much to ask.
This lack of support hurts, and it hurts that women who create amazing art expect me to treat them poorly because of their size. Our dating lives aren't fodder for tabloid spreads.
Traditionally, women have been reduced to the sum of our parts.
We are made to shoulder people's opinions on our skin, our hair, our teeth. As a woman who dates women, I feel the pressure doubly, especially from friends and acquaintances who are in heterosexual relationships.
I was leaning against a sticky bar table in my roommate's striped dress (which was absolutely too short), drinking a beer, and chatting with a woman who was, by all means, conventionally attractive.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating