Feminist women dating
(Definitely.) Does he need to believe that men and women, are equals and should be treated as such?
(Uh, yes.) Does he need to be actively fighting for social, political and economic justice for women — and for all people, really — to identify as a feminist? But if he’s doing that, great.) Here’s how I’m defining it: Feminist daters — male or female, gay or straight — aren’t constrained by gender roles.
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A feminist dater or boyfriend (and yes, feminists have boyfriends) is aware of the ways women have traditionally been held back, by others and by our own accord, and actively pushes against that. As an experiment, Megan Downey, a 24-year-old social marketing specialist in Washington, has a very succinct Tinder profile: a few pictures of herself and the word “feminist.” “I was just wondering if there were men out there who were not afraid of the word ‘feminist,’ ” she tells me.
He’s sensitive to the fact that women’s bodies are frequently judged, abused and legislated, and takes no part in that. Singles have heard years of married-splaining from Sheryl Sandberg, Anne-Marie Slaughter and others about how you should “make your partner a real partner.” Yes, we know that couples who share housework have better sex lives and that the idea of a man down-shifting his career while his wife takes on more responsibilities at work is more rational than radical. Downey says she heard from one or two guys who wanted to fight about what the word meant. The day before we spoke, I was going through my daily batch of profiles on Hinge — an online-dating app similar to Tinder — and I clicked “yes” on a man whose profile listed “feminism” as one of his interests, right after “foreign policy.” Laurie Davis, the founder of e Flirt, an online-dating consulting company, says there’s been a shift in how people refer to their ideal partners in online profiles.
A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career.
He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career.
But if I want to spend time with someone and see if there’s something there, I’m comfortable initiating a first date — or a non-date date, depending on how bold I’m feeling.
In fact, I was so bold when it came to love that when I was having trouble mustering the chutzpah to apply for a promotion a few years ago, a friend said to me, “Lisa, if this job were a guy, you would’ve gone on a first date already.” That was all it took for my workplace assertiveness to kick in.Anyone can do the asking-out, the feelings-confessing or the initiating of any kind.(As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first, then put that one back up for debate.) Of course, way too many guys think they’re feminists but don’t live up to it.The label isn’t everything; living it is more important than saying it. (Maybe his own name is pretty generic.) If he insists on doing the dishes after you’ve cooked dinner together but proceeds to whip the dish towel at your ass, is that playful or objectifying?(Both.) Is he sexist if he cancels an Uber ride because a female driver is on her way to pick the two of you up?When I spoke to Samhita Mukhopadhyay, a former executive editor of and the author of “Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life,” she complained about men’s online profiles that list their favorite musicians and writers, but don’t include a single woman. I’ve long believed that dating like a feminist — which often involves making the first move — will weed out many of the guys with more rigid ideas about gender and relationships.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating