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Vampire: I found a used tampoon and wanted to make tea… yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you… “SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN…” A couple was having sex besides their three years old sleeping son.


Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Q: Whats worse than getting fingered by Captain Hook?

During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? " Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going! A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God!

A: If you don't know what hole to put it in neither do they.

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex? Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!

A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=:) Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I miss it, da meaner I get Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count ? Q: Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a prostitute?

Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs. Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. ” He was surprised she’d ask such a question at her age, but thought if she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to describe for her all the variations of human sexuality he could conjure, careful to impress upon her the joys and responsibilities of intercourse and procreation.

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