Back in New York, I almost fell in love with a Jew-jock, an observant guido—from the Jersey Shore, no less—who treated me like a lady and never judged me.
Later, I dated an Israeli guido whose Polo Sport scent reminded me of my first love.
Guidos were a welcome respite from hipster art boys, and their urban flair and flashy romanticism appealed to me even though I stuck monogamously with a man who called himself my “househusband.” As I lead the feminist campus group, he donned an apron and cooked for our events.
Guidos even followed me to Japan, where I found Asian ones who would wine and dine me like no shy emo band guitarist would.
I’ve always secretly loved juiceheads, and been loved by them. I risk echoing the words of da Shore castmates when I say that “guido” is a pan-ethnic term. Yes, a strong contingent of guidos are Italian with their neo-American masculinity.
But in Japan, where I used to live, it’s called “ganguro,” which translates as literally “black face,” a reaction to the uptight geisha culture of artificially whitened skin and repression.
This wonderful childlike corniness always makes me melt.
I echo the words of my girl, Snooki, when I say I am looking for my king and that my dream is to “move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot, tan guy and live my life.” Only minus the Jersey, juiced, and tan parts.
So, “Jersey Shore” watchers, if you can be a guido’s queen, and convince him to not cheat, you have found gold.
They are straight-forward and say things that make average guys cringe.
I’d forgotten all about him until the “Jersey Shore” episode where an Israeli girl “stalked” Pauly D.
When things flamed out, she yelled at him, “You guys are just like Israelis! “Yeah, but we ain’t shootin’ nobody.” He let the divisive guido in-fighting come out, not realizing they (we? Because at the root of it, guidos are family-oriented, gentlemanly, monogamous, and super-sincere.
Also, since old-school honor means respect of the street, things get violent between men easily. Are the women of the “Jersey Shore” feminists for fighting and physically demanding more of their men?Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating